Depression - The Silent Disease

I think it's time to use this for what it is.  A daily record of me.  I set this up about three years ago with the intention of it being a place for me to just write.  Write what was in my head, my heart, what I might have put on my body with tattoo ink one day.

It's time to get back to it.  I have come to terms that I have a challenge in life.  It's one of staying happy.  I have a mental illness and it's called Depression.  Some days are better than others.  Right now I am not doing so good with it.  Small things get me down.

Lately my mouth has been getting me in trouble again and it's usually when I least expect it.  I try to be polite, courteous, etc. and for some reason people still think I'm hateful.  I just can't figure it out.  I don't necessarily care what people think because it's just their opinion and I can't change that.

What frustrates me is that I am trying, really trying and I still fail.  I'm 47 years old and somehow still feel like a failure in many ways.  I have to decide just how much I want to open up on this blog.  Part of me wants to just spill it all.  To be free of the things that are hurting me inside, but I know if I do then it will lead to things that given my mental state will make it just bad, bad bad bad.

Depression is a real thing.  It's a painful thing.  People don't understand it.  People close to you can't see it, touch it, hold it.  They usually can't deal with it.  Some day maybe I will be able to as well.